I’m Still Healing

After I left the hospital, my amazing husband picked up so much of my slack. And when COVID happened, his employer was one of the first to send their employees home to work. I absolutely love having him home all the time, and if he worked from home forever ~ I’d be on cloud nine!

I’ve been pretty good about being gentle with myself the last six months.

Regular therapy.

Making sure I remember to eat.

Drinking more water.

Meditations.

Mindfulness.

Exploring Self-Care.

Lots of deep breaths.

My kids started school this month, and we are 100% online right now. With two kids doing school and my husband working from home in our small two bedroom apartment, it’s been a little tricky. Keeping track of zoom meeting times and making sure there are minimal interruptions has created more anxiety than I expected.

Even cleaning my house is frustrating, since most household chores have some kind of noise involved.

Have you ever noticed how noisy washing dishes is?

As my anxiety grew over the amount of work that needed to be done along with the inability to do it all, I had the familiar feeling of worthlessness.

I'm not worth anything if I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I'm so overwhelmed.

Red flags popped up everywhere and I knew I needed to take a step back. I picked something off my self-care list and threw myself into it.

And then I remembered.

I'm still healing.

I don't have to do it all.

My worth is inherent. It is not conditional on my ability to be useful.

I really struggle with that. But I'm going to keep working on it. And I'm going to keep reminding myself.

I'm still healing.

I'm still healing.

I am still healing.