Pain

One of the most helpful things I've learned is how to get out of my head and into my body. Mindfulness practices have helped my ground myself into myself. They've helped me find my Dragon.

But I also deal with chronic pain. And when my body is full of pain, it is not a place I like to spend time. It is relentless, unfaltering, implacable.

Unbearable.

Pain has changed me in so many ways. I often think it's just made me bitter and cranky. But I know it's taught me some good things too.

How to gently take care of my body. How to listen to my body. Patience with other people.

Empathy.

Pain makes it hard to think, hard to concentrate and do normal everyday tasks. Even as I type this I can hear it screaming in my head, like an otherworldly screech, and I'm not really sure if this blog post will even make any sense.

But this is my truth. And one of my goals is to be unapologetically me.

So how do I deal with chronic pain while also holding off anxiety and depression? A lot of days I don't. A lot of days I distract and avoid. I keep moving, keep busy, and try not to let myself be still long enough to think about it.

It's not ideal.

On the good days I try to breathe. I try to dance with the pain, in an intricate push and pull as I sink into my body and feel everything, while still wrapping myself in safety.

I wrap myself in my Dragon.

The ferocity helps balance the pain, and I imagine I am fireproof. That the pain can burn all that it wants because I am grounded in myself so deeply that it can't reach me. Like the steady roots of a tree weaving through the earth, holding steadfast and safe from the chaos above.

Those good days are hard work. And exhausting. But each time it gets a little easier.

And it's always worth it.